5 Proven Tips for Giving Feedback That Builds Trust and Inspires Change

Giving feedback shouldn’t feel like stepping into a minefield—but for many leaders, it does.

We’ve all been on both sides of the feedback equation.

Maybe you’ve worked up the courage to give someone feedback only to be met with folded arms, excuses, or a complete shutdown. Or maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of vague, critical feedback that left you feeling discouraged instead of motivated.

One bit of feedback I received years ago left me speechless. I asked my manager what would help improve my performance, because I really wanted to grow and do an even better job.

His response was, “I can’t really think of anything, but it would be great if you smiled more.”

I was crushed. And couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Was I just a miserable person to be around? Or was my performance so good that a smile was the only thing that could make me better? The comment felt personal, like a criticism of me as a person.

Here’s the truth: Feedback is essential for growth, but it’s only useful when it inspires reflection and forward motion, rather than defensiveness.

So how do you give feedback that motivates? That opens the door to real change, strengthening trust instead of eroding it?

Here are a few principles and practical tips I share with the leaders and teams I coach:

1. Start with your intention

Before you say a word, get clear about why you’re giving the feedback. Are you trying to help someone grow? Strengthen your working relationship? Solve a specific issue? 

💡 Tip: Start your conversation by stating your positive intent. “I’m sharing this because I want to see you succeed and I care about our work together.”

When people sense your feedback is rooted in care, they’re more likely to stay open, even when it’s hard to hear.

2. Focus on behavior, not personality

Feedback that feels like a judgment on who someone is will almost always trigger defensiveness. Instead, describe specific behaviors or actions and their impact.

💡 Tip: Use this formula: “When you [specific behavior], it [impact on team/project/etc.].”

Example: "When you interrupt others in meetings, it shuts down conversation and we miss out on valuable ideas.”

That’s a lot easier to take and turn into a more productive behavior than: “You’re disrespectful in meetings.”

3. Make it a conversation, not a verdict

Feedback should be a two-way conversation, not a one-sided download. Ask the other person to share their perspective. You might uncover context you didn’t see, and you will show that you respect their voice.

💡 Tip: Ask open-ended questions like: “How do you see it?” or “What do you think might help moving forward?”

This helps people take ownership of the next steps instead of feeling micromanaged or judged.

4. Balance honesty with empathy

Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be harsh. You can speak the truth and do it with compassion.

💡 Tip: Match your tone to your goal. If your goal is to support growth, your tone should feel supportive—not angry or impatient.

Remember, people won’t remember every word you say, but they will remember how they felt at that moment.

5. Give feedback in real time (or close to it)

Feedback loses power the longer you wait. If something isn’t working, bring it up while it’s still fresh, but choose a moment when emotions have settled. And, when you can deliver it in private.

💡 Tip: Aim for feedback that’s “prompt but not reactive.” Take a minute to center yourself so you can approach the conversation with calm and clarity.

The Bottom Line

At its best, feedback is a gift. It helps people see blind spots, stretch into their potential, and contribute more meaningfully. But for that to happen, we need to give it with intention, care, and clarity.

So the next time you need to have a feedback conversation, ask yourself: “How can I make this a turning point, not a trigger?”

You’ll be amazed at what is possible when people feel safe enough to hear the truth, and supported enough to act on it.

Want help having courageous conversations with your team? I help leaders build communication strategies, tools and skills that create trust, alignment, and accountability. Schedule a free consultation.