The Curiosity Shift: It’s Not Just About Asking More Questions

One hesitation I often hear from my coaching clients when we talk about expanding their curiosity is:

"Won’t it feel weird if I suddenly start asking a lot more questions?"

The answer? It depends.

It’s not about how many questions you ask—it’s about how and why you’re asking them.

When Curiosity Backfires: A Story of Good Intentions Gone Wrong

Years ago, I worked with a brilliant engineer whose team was on the cutting edge of developing a virtual reality tool—one that would eventually revolutionize the gaming experience.

His leaders saw him as an invaluable asset. But his team? They felt stifled, frustrated, and creatively drained.

Despite his best intentions, his curiosity wasn’t inspiring innovation—it was shutting it down.

The problem wasn’t that he asked too many questions. It was how he asked them.

His team felt personally attacked, rather than a desire to stretch their abilities and make their work better. Instead of fostering creative energy, he was unintentionally creating an environment where each individual felt like they were on trail.

Curiosity as a Bridge, Not a Barrier

When we discussed this feedback, he was stunned. He was a naturally curious person—so why didn’t his team see that?

The disconnect came from his approach. His curiosity wasn’t landing as genuine engagement with their work; it felt more like scrutiny of their personalities and their competence as engineers.

With this realization, he committed to making a change. We worked together to help him bring more authenticity into his leadership—adjusting his tone, refining his questions, and focusing on connection rather than critique.

The result? His team started to trust him. Creativity flourished. Collaboration improved. And the team made faster progress on their groundbreaking work.

Curiosity isn’t about attacking people with questions. It’s about creating meaningful interactions that drive growth. When leaders approach curiosity with authenticity, it transforms leadership from a role into a relationship—one where people feel valued, motivated, and inspired to do their best work.

The Power of Authentic Curiosity

When used effectively, curiosity:

✅ Helps you understand what truly motivates your team

✅ Uncovers hidden talents and untapped potential

✅ Creates psychological safety and trust

✅ Encourages open, honest communication

✅ Strengthens relationships and builds team resilience

Curiosity is more than a skill—it’s a mindset. And the good news? You can start strengthening it today.

How to Activate Your Curiosity for Stronger Leadership

1. Ask Mind-Expanding Questions

Shift from surface-level to deeper, more meaningful questions.
Suspend judgment—let your questions open up conversation, not shut it down.
Replace "How’s work?" or "What’s the status of this task?" with "What’s exciting or challenging about this project for you?"
Challenge yourself to ask at least one thought-provoking question each day.

2. Practice Active Listening

Listen to understand—not just to respond.
Pay attention to what’s not being said —watch tone, body language, and facial expressions for clues about emotional context.
Show genuine interest by eliminating distractions and giving your full attention.

3. Embrace Not Knowing

Admit when you don’t have all the answers—it builds credibility, not weakness
Create an environment where team members feel safe sharing their insights and perspectives.
Make room for diverse thinking, even when it challenges your own views.